This time it has only been 3 weeks since my last post. I have much better excuses this time. It has been a combination of having Ashley and Ryan in town coupled with the chemo really knocking me on my ass. I play and sleep then play some more and sleep some more. It was great having the kids in town. I had not seen them since the surgery. They be looking good and making me feel good. Both are now back on the southern and northern west coastlines.
I could not get my chemo this week which was a real disappointment. Both my white and red blood cell counts were decimated by chemicals. They were too low for a go on chemo. The real bummer is that it delayed my cat scan by another week. So I still have two chemos left before I scan on Sept 9. I took blood cell count booster shots instead to get my bone marrow more actively producing. Cat and I are going up to the mtns for 4 days and I will take one of the shots up there on Saturday. Friends Phil and Elizabeth are joining us for the weekend. Looking forward to it.
I hope you like the new look for the blog. Ash helped me with it. Now there is an actual train that you can board along with me and Cat. The comment process may have an extra step but it will keep the spammers off.
Chemical Thursday has been interesting the last few weeks because we have met a number of new people and have been sharing names and life stories. Most everyone is eager to share something about themselves and just as eager to hear about us. That makes for very warm experiences. I have gotten in the habit of wearing special shirts for the day. I now have an Incredible Hulk shirt, a Skeletoned Greatful Dead Shirt, A Spamalot shirt that says "I'm not Dead, yet", and the newest one that says F*@K Cancer! Can't wait to wear that one. I think I really am going to make a concerted effort to post more often. Maybe it will help me remove myself from this fog that seems to surround my brain. I find myself staring mindlessly a little more frequently these days. The doc promised that the chemo does not attack cells in either of my heads but it certainly seems to have an impact on the larger one. Well you should know my response by now. F*@K Cancer!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Chemo Brain
Chemo went well today and all my counts were in fairly good shape. Whites were great. Ry is leaving tomorrow for Las Vegas for a Bachelor party then back to LA and Ashley is going to NC it visit friends for a week and Cat is in Florida. Will someone please come take care of me...... I am actually leaving Saturday to drive down to Florida with Marc who shares ownership in the house at St. George (where Cat is) with his wife. Cat and I will stay until Tuesday and head back home. I am looking forward to the trip even though it is hot, hot, hot in St. George. A few days with friends by the ocean sounds enchanting.
Chemo has been interesting the last couple of weeks cuz there have been a few people who have had bad reactions to their treatments and the staff goes into subtle high gear. Curtains immediately pop up around the person who is experiencing the difficulty and doctors enter the room and care is given and no one makes a big deal about any of it. I keep sneeking peeks and everyone else honors privacy. I am definitely still a neophyte in some aspects. The nurses who attend to everyone are so involved each session with the people they are assigned to. I am always told what they are administering, how long it will take, what is coming next, who is with you today and how was your week...let's talk. It is a very safe place to me. I have three more sessions before my scan. Today chemo brain has really kicked in and I am having a difficult time keeping thoughts together, remembering words and what it is I wanted to do next. That usually hangs around for a couple of days and the impact is cumulative over time. This was my 9th chemical thursday. Hope you all have a nice weekend. Be well
Chemo has been interesting the last couple of weeks cuz there have been a few people who have had bad reactions to their treatments and the staff goes into subtle high gear. Curtains immediately pop up around the person who is experiencing the difficulty and doctors enter the room and care is given and no one makes a big deal about any of it. I keep sneeking peeks and everyone else honors privacy. I am definitely still a neophyte in some aspects. The nurses who attend to everyone are so involved each session with the people they are assigned to. I am always told what they are administering, how long it will take, what is coming next, who is with you today and how was your week...let's talk. It is a very safe place to me. I have three more sessions before my scan. Today chemo brain has really kicked in and I am having a difficult time keeping thoughts together, remembering words and what it is I wanted to do next. That usually hangs around for a couple of days and the impact is cumulative over time. This was my 9th chemical thursday. Hope you all have a nice weekend. Be well
A restless night
Today is Chemical Thursday and it is before I get set to go. I did not sleep well last night and thought it was just because chemo day was coming again. At least I did for a short while. Ryan and Ashley have been in town all week and that has been great. I have really missed them and have been really excited to see them. Ry and I took off Tuesday for a couple of days in the mountains. It was a great time. He leaves on Friday and Ash is here for a couple of weeks more. They have also been very protective of me and more importantly have been paying much closer attention to what has been going into my body and how I have been physically caring for myself. I use the words "much closer" because they were paying more attention than I have been.
Both of them have been working on getting me motivated to make nutritional changes that I have openly said I wanted to make. I have been silently ignoring them and even, at times, arguing with them about my progress. I know the big reason for my restless night last night was trying to figure out why I have been ignoring many of my own commitments to myself. I feel fairly certain the reasoning is also why I have not posted in a couple of weeks. The time for much of my talk is over and I need to start doing a few things more proactively. I have cancer and that is bad. The fact that it has caused me to re-evaluate aspects of my life and make a mental commitment to some healing alterations is good. The reality that I am having difficulty implementing some of those changes is human. I get amazed how comfortable it is to intellectualize about changes and even reach a point where I begin to believe I am actually doing what I am thinking about without having taken the first step. It is certainly what I have been going through. Part of the hesitation to change is not wanting to admit that the agent for change has been a disease. The main part, though, is just the age old process of breaking a habit (or a series of them). We are such creatures of habit and it is truly amazing how difficult it is to changes our habits when we express the want to do so. I am getting ready to embark on a small habit changing journey but before I start "It's time for chemical thursday."
Both of them have been working on getting me motivated to make nutritional changes that I have openly said I wanted to make. I have been silently ignoring them and even, at times, arguing with them about my progress. I know the big reason for my restless night last night was trying to figure out why I have been ignoring many of my own commitments to myself. I feel fairly certain the reasoning is also why I have not posted in a couple of weeks. The time for much of my talk is over and I need to start doing a few things more proactively. I have cancer and that is bad. The fact that it has caused me to re-evaluate aspects of my life and make a mental commitment to some healing alterations is good. The reality that I am having difficulty implementing some of those changes is human. I get amazed how comfortable it is to intellectualize about changes and even reach a point where I begin to believe I am actually doing what I am thinking about without having taken the first step. It is certainly what I have been going through. Part of the hesitation to change is not wanting to admit that the agent for change has been a disease. The main part, though, is just the age old process of breaking a habit (or a series of them). We are such creatures of habit and it is truly amazing how difficult it is to changes our habits when we express the want to do so. I am getting ready to embark on a small habit changing journey but before I start "It's time for chemical thursday."
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