Swimming and Breathing

I find myself sort of free floating between highs and lows and this is not a normal experience for me. I keep trying to step back and find the logic and then fix it. That is not working. I realize that about 6-7 weeks ago I was standing on the edge of a swimming pool and someone came up to me and said "here hold this while I tell you something". They put an anvil in my arms and pushed me in the pool while telling me about the new lifestyle that was growing inside of me. I think I am slowing learning that I need to figure out how to breathe all over again. In the interim I am taking in new bits of information all the time and trying to categorize them between 1) good info; hang on to it 2)not so good; but I need to keep it handy for a while and 3) this is really depressing; file it, lock it up but store the key in a safe place. I am sure my filing system will get more sophisticated as I learn more.

I also am looking much harder for the good news, the silver linings and "ummmm that was good". Got one today. My recent (yesterday) blood work came back with everything in the normal categories so that means today is my last day for antibiotics IV and I have only 3 more nights of overnight IV feeding sessions. Must have calories .... is my new mantra. I am doing well on the proteins but I need more calories. Hopefully once I stop the overnight liquid feedings my appetite will increase. Anyway that was a real good piece of news. Oncology appt tomorrow at 3PM. Dum da dum dum. Thanks for listening.