Memorial

Before I say anything about me I would like to honor a life. Randy Pausch, age 47, passed away today from his bout with pancreatic cancer. For those of you that do not know about him, Randy was a Professor at Carnegie-Mellon. Every year a professor is chosen to deliver what is known as The Last Lecture. The chosen teacher is to give a lecture as if it is his last before he dies. In Randy's case he was asked, unknowingly by the college, right after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The lecture was taped and can be seen on You-tube and also became a best selling book entitled "The Last Lecture". I encourage everyone to view the video and read the book. He continued to battle his illness and live his life fully which included testifying before a congressional committee for additional research funding plus many other meaningful contributions. His testimony is also available on You-Tube. His life is an inspiration to me and his passing leaves a hole in the world that will take quite sometime to fill. Please send his family a warm thought in some moment of mindfulness.

I had my chemo yesterday and all went well because I am posting from my computer in the mountains. This is the week my white count will start to fall so I will start my neupogen shots next week. After 5 more weeks of chemo I will get a high resolution cat scan that will either direct me to radiation/chemo treatments or to just more chemo. The radiation alternative is the one I am hoping for as it means there has been no spread of the cancer outside of my original surgical sight. It is interesting how all that goes on with medical treatment during an illness crescendos to a singular test the result of which is life directing and altering. Then the process starts all over again. For some this happens many, many times during their healing process. I have about three weeks before I will hit a Mel Brooks "High Anxiety" frame of mind waiting for the test results. During that time I have been advised by those close to me to research for information about each alternative, seek support from those in a similar situation and I have added to breathe and enjoy. I love those who are close to me and I even think pretty highly of myself these days.

Cat and I listened to a CD of various speeches from cancer survivors and this particular one was from a woman who expressed her wisdom regarding the difference between treatment and healing. Treatment is what the medical community provides us when we are ill. It is logical (at least in attempt) and "fix-it" oriented. It usually will involve pills, maybe surgery (or multiple surgeries), multiple office visits and treatment to cure or improve what ails us. Healing is the moral obligation we have to research, discover and implement those practices that dramatically supplement the medical treatment in positive ways. It involves attitudes, alternative and/or holistic paths, involvement with other members of our community, discovering what is new on the horizons for one's particular illness and the list can go on and on. It is an obligation we have unless one prefers to give in to the affliction. I am sorry that the importance of the healing process has become so prominent to me as a result of my diagnosis. I say this because there is nothing that I am doing now that I should not have started doing a long time ago other than the specifics regarding my cancer. Healing should be an ongoing instinctive process that is encouraged in us all at a very early age. It would not turn us all into "buddhas on the mountain". It would just make us healthier and happier people on the planet. To me healing can be defined as anything that will add positve meaning and greater health to your life. Happy healing to all of you.

OK, time for a short short story. There once was a little girl who went to a carnival with her father. They were both very excited about their special day out. Upon arrival they both were awed by the rides, the games, the vendors, the food and trying to figure out what to do first. The little girl asked her father if they could start with the rides and he agreed. He at the time was very enamored with watching all of the various types of people wandering around. Realizing that he had been walking, staring and day dreaming he reached to grab his daughter's hand only to find it not there. One can only imagine the panic that welled inside of him. His daughter, on her path, had reached the first ride and looked up to find her father was not with her. She also began to feel that empty sense of panic. She then remembered her father's advice should she ever become lost. Look for someone wearing a uniform (preferably a policeman or fireman) and ask for help but do not wander any further until you do find someone who will help. So she stopped and began to search with her eyes for help or her father. Following the advice she had been taught calmed her inside. Eventually she saw a man in a military uniform and managed to get his attention. Upon telling him her situation he suggested she tell one of the operators of the rides her problem and he moved on. She decided to stay put and continue looking. She then saw a woman in a nurses uniform and caught her eye and explained her problem. The nurse said the little girl must go to the main carnival office and tell them her situation. She offered to take the girl there but the little girl told the nurse her father's advice and said thank you but I will stay here. The nurse moved on. She eventually saw a policeman and got his attention. She told him her plight and her father's advice. The officer said that sounds like good advice and I am sure your father is headed this way and looking for you. He then suggested that she get on his shoulders so she could have a better view. About 15 minutes later she saw her father headed her way and called out to him. When he saw her he came running over to her. Breathing a large sigh of relief he gave her a huge hug and thanked the officer profusely. The officer smiled and the little girl looked up at her father and thanked him for teaching her how to take care of herself when she became lost. She told him he gives good advice. The father welled with pride and relief. He felt guilty for initially losing his daughter but quickly thanked himself for teaching her a wise lesson and felt greatful that she took it in and remembered it. Simply another life healed.

Randy, I wish you a peaceful and joyous voyage.