Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Oy vey, I need to Kfetch
This has not been one of my better weeks. The radiation/chemo is really kicking my butt. I now have a condition call neuropathy which is caused by the chemo and results in damage to my nerves in my fingers and feet. They tingle and hurt. It takes me a while now to button my shirt and to walk to the bathroom. While I am walking slowly and painfully, I can put balm on my blistered lips and swish around a mouthwash to help the sores in my mouth. I leave the bathroom to your imagination. I also cover my dry itchy body with this cream call Udderly sMOOth. It was originally designed for cows. Fortunately, I should only have 2 1/2 more weeks of this. I guess the cancer gods saved the best for last. By the way, I warned you of the nature of this post in the title. For those of you that are not familiar with Yiddish, it means Damn, I need to complain. Thank you very much. for listening
Monday, October 13, 2008
Ain't that a bitch.
It has been a very interesting day today. I woke up this morning and made my daily trek to radiation and to have my chemo bag swapped out. Things have gone pretty well with only a slight problem with itching. The radiation oncologist was real pleased with how well I am handling the treatments. At the oncologist, I met another PanCan survivor and we had a really nice conversation exchanging conditions, observations and information. It was interesting that we both felt (as I am sure many others do as well) that the infusion room is almost like a cocoon of comfort for us. It is a place to go where everyone is somewhat like each of us. Our own personal Cheers. I met with Dr. Dobovsky and he was pleased enough with my progress that he suggested we meet every two weeks instead of weekly. Feeling pleased I went home to my loving wife and our new child, Bullwinkle. I now love both the female and the male that live under my roof with me.
Anyway as I write, I am battling nausea, sores in my nose, blisters on the bottoms of my feet and rashes on my legs and back from scratching. Ain't that a bitch. I am guessing my brain just could not handle being told by the doctors that they are pleased with how well I am doing. I just had to show them that it is not wise to get overly optimistic. The good news, though, is today is Monday and on Friday we are going up to the mountains with friends for the weekend. The leaves should be starting to really change colors. I am looking forward to introducing Bullwinkle to our Western Carolina home. I know he will love it there like we do.
Thanks for letting me push the Nov 15th PanCan walk on you. I really appreciate the support and the tolerance.
Anyway as I write, I am battling nausea, sores in my nose, blisters on the bottoms of my feet and rashes on my legs and back from scratching. Ain't that a bitch. I am guessing my brain just could not handle being told by the doctors that they are pleased with how well I am doing. I just had to show them that it is not wise to get overly optimistic. The good news, though, is today is Monday and on Friday we are going up to the mountains with friends for the weekend. The leaves should be starting to really change colors. I am looking forward to introducing Bullwinkle to our Western Carolina home. I know he will love it there like we do.
Thanks for letting me push the Nov 15th PanCan walk on you. I really appreciate the support and the tolerance.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
A face only a mother could love!
Not sleeping very well this night so I might as well reflect some. Even though it is a small thing I keep getting caught up in the line that connects my body to the pump. I think because I know it is there I do a little more tossing and turning then normal. It was interesting to be chemofied once a week, but now I am on a slow steady drip. I would love to be able to talk to my internals to get their reaction to the last five months of treatment. White Blood Cell "I cannot believe the ongoing sacrifices we are being asked to make." Red Blood Cell "Well I will show him, I am really going to make him feel worn out and dizzy this week!" Stomach "He really is trying to make us feel better in the long run but I am tiring of constantly being surrounded by all this noxious gas. Something has to give." Intestines "It's all the Pancreas' fault. He is the one who created the problem!" Pancreas "I want to be perfectly clear about this as it is an election year. If you take a look at the overall problem, in view of the specific situation, which I have not yet fully contemplated, You can bring into focus the major factors and draw some conclusion, one way or another, and govern your actions accordingly. Now that you now my exact position, please do not cast dispersions on me again." It's tough being an organ.
On a much brighter note, Bullwinkle is incredible. He is 70 lbs. of tail thumping, wavy haired, just what the doctor ordered. I am going to step out from my normal low tech existence and see if I can add a photo at this point. Ok, you already know I got the picture over and it is at the top of the post. Isn't that a face only a mother could love. We are really excited to have him in our family. I cannot wait for you to meet him.
Last Sunday Cathy and I went to a charity event sponsored by our friend, Lenny. It was a GIST tumor fundraiser (Lenny is a survivor) and for a first time event it was a huge success. I think close to $40,000 was raised. There were lots of reasons that it was such a success but I believe most was a testament to what his friends and family think of him. Cathy and I had a blast helping out.
Check out a new link I added this post. I met a new friend about a month ago at the PanCan November 15th fundraiser walk/run. His name is Merle Hamburger. He is another pancreatic cancer survivor and he is also a blogger. His site name is taken from a Monty Python movie and broadway play. He calls his site "I'm Not Dead Yet!" Go visit. This leads me to a time for another shameless plug and request. Senator Obama has shown us that $5 here and $10 there can actually turn into millions. So if you are so inclined and would like to either join or make a contribution to The P Train Team at the PanCan walk on Nov 15th here is the link: http://www.pancan.org/purplestrideatlanta/. You can choose to either register to walk and set up you own personal donation page or donate to a participant. Our young friend , Olivia Amaral (age 7 I think) has raised $110 by herself. Every little bit helps. Thanks for even considering.
Me and my new friend, Bullwinkle are going to attempt to go back to sleep. He will have no problem. Be well.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
DANGER - HIGH LEVEL OF RADIATION
I am just finishing up my first week of radiation/chemo. I have this bag/pump that has become my permanent travel companion attached to me now. It goes everywhere I do and is sometimes slung over my shoulder, sometimes strapped to my waste and sometimes lying next to me in bed. Cathy is a much better bed companion than my old gray bag. About every 15 minutes I hear a noise kinda like something is briefly being wound up. That is the pump making a chemical injection. Going to the bathroom and taking a shower have become very unique experiences. Fortunately I will only have to do this for six weeks. Others are in similar situations their whole lives. How lucky am I.
I go for radiation every week day. I now have tattoos that mark my target spot for the radiation. They place a sharpie plus sign over the tattoo. I then lay on a table with my head in a custom pillow (seriously it is customized to my head shape). I stretch my arms over my head and grab a bar. Then they line me up by using laser beams to line up with my sharpie signs. Then the fun begins. It really is not to bad. The worst part is not moving cuz I was told not to move. Obviously I do not want to be radiated in the wrong places. But I am definitely one of those people who wants to do exactly the opposite of what I am told. Every place in my body starts itching when the machine cranks up. It only lasts about 15 minutes and I manage to stay still. I always feel odd going into the radiation room. The sign on the door says "DANGER - HIGH LEVEL OF RADIATION. I say in my head "OK cancer cells do you read that sign? It is time for you guys to head for the hills." The most frustrating part of the week has been to begin the daily treatment when there was absolutely no gas to be found.
I have become an expert with the various types of fatigue. Currently I am dealing with the kind that just flat knocks you out. I am sleeping soundly for three hour blocks. I also am losing most of my hair on the top of my head. It has been coming out in clumps lately. I do not think I will be left with even a decent comb over.
The good news in all of this is that Cathy and I may possibly have a new member of the family on Saturday. His name is Bullwinkle and he is a 70 lb Chocolate Labradoodle. It is a long short story to how we met Bullwinkle and his family. I will save it until I know he is going to live with us. I must run now because one of the single most captivating events in my life is about to take place. I, along with millions and millions of you, am going to watch two people who were chosen to be in second place debate. Unfortunately, it seems like this is more of a Nascar race then a vice presidential debate. I say that because most people are watching to see the crash. Anyway I hope neither of them catch on fire.
I go for radiation every week day. I now have tattoos that mark my target spot for the radiation. They place a sharpie plus sign over the tattoo. I then lay on a table with my head in a custom pillow (seriously it is customized to my head shape). I stretch my arms over my head and grab a bar. Then they line me up by using laser beams to line up with my sharpie signs. Then the fun begins. It really is not to bad. The worst part is not moving cuz I was told not to move. Obviously I do not want to be radiated in the wrong places. But I am definitely one of those people who wants to do exactly the opposite of what I am told. Every place in my body starts itching when the machine cranks up. It only lasts about 15 minutes and I manage to stay still. I always feel odd going into the radiation room. The sign on the door says "DANGER - HIGH LEVEL OF RADIATION. I say in my head "OK cancer cells do you read that sign? It is time for you guys to head for the hills." The most frustrating part of the week has been to begin the daily treatment when there was absolutely no gas to be found.
I have become an expert with the various types of fatigue. Currently I am dealing with the kind that just flat knocks you out. I am sleeping soundly for three hour blocks. I also am losing most of my hair on the top of my head. It has been coming out in clumps lately. I do not think I will be left with even a decent comb over.
The good news in all of this is that Cathy and I may possibly have a new member of the family on Saturday. His name is Bullwinkle and he is a 70 lb Chocolate Labradoodle. It is a long short story to how we met Bullwinkle and his family. I will save it until I know he is going to live with us. I must run now because one of the single most captivating events in my life is about to take place. I, along with millions and millions of you, am going to watch two people who were chosen to be in second place debate. Unfortunately, it seems like this is more of a Nascar race then a vice presidential debate. I say that because most people are watching to see the crash. Anyway I hope neither of them catch on fire.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
A time to forgive and forget
These last few weeks reprieve from chemo has been a real blessing. Cathy asked me if I ever forgot that I had cancer. I told her I never forget I just don't think about it sometimes. I have really gotten to not think about it more lately. A well earned respite. Two more days and then I am back to the drawing board. Monday I am privileged to get radiated and pumped up. I will get my first radiation treatment that will go every Mon-Fri for 5-6 weeks and will have a bag and a pump attached to me that will flow with 5-FU (How appropriate those initials are). I guess the chemo keeps the radiation going. I will be illuminating for weeks. If any of you would like to reserve your own personal nite lite just give me a call. It is amazing what technology has made possible over the years. Now they can actually control where the radiation starts and stops. It used to be that if the pancreas was radiated the rays would go right on through to the liver. Now they can control this so the aftermath is not so devastating. Before it was often like a nuclear bomb went off inside of people.
Monday night is also Erev Rosh Hashonah. That is the first night of the Jewish New Year. So Happy New Year everyone. It is significant to me that my radiation starts on the New Year. I am getting blasted clean for a good and sweet year. That comes from my mouth to God's ears. The best part is what happens 8 days later. Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, when I get to ask all for forgiveness for my wrong doings and at the same time grant forgiveness to those who have wronged me in some way. This includes the big guy himself but more importantly it is directed to us mere mortals. I look at the concept of forgiveness a lot differently lately. It really is a powerful tool. I found when I review what has made me angry at times or more importantly who has made me angry and I truly choose to forgive, the anger begins to subside and now the opportunity for that person to reenter my life is again available. It becomes somewhat painfully apparent that it really is easier to forgive than forget. These "high holy day musings" have been brought to you by "Dr. Wiggers' Goodtime Radiation". Guaranteed to light you up inside and out. I am a true believer cuz I will be visiting the good doc on Monday.
Monday night is also Erev Rosh Hashonah. That is the first night of the Jewish New Year. So Happy New Year everyone. It is significant to me that my radiation starts on the New Year. I am getting blasted clean for a good and sweet year. That comes from my mouth to God's ears. The best part is what happens 8 days later. Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, when I get to ask all for forgiveness for my wrong doings and at the same time grant forgiveness to those who have wronged me in some way. This includes the big guy himself but more importantly it is directed to us mere mortals. I look at the concept of forgiveness a lot differently lately. It really is a powerful tool. I found when I review what has made me angry at times or more importantly who has made me angry and I truly choose to forgive, the anger begins to subside and now the opportunity for that person to reenter my life is again available. It becomes somewhat painfully apparent that it really is easier to forgive than forget. These "high holy day musings" have been brought to you by "Dr. Wiggers' Goodtime Radiation". Guaranteed to light you up inside and out. I am a true believer cuz I will be visiting the good doc on Monday.
Friday, September 19, 2008
A great place to be fatigued
I am currently in the mountains taking advantage of my two weeks off from any kind of treatment. The weather is great. Clear skies and temps between 60 & 70 degrees day and night. I have a few days of taking care of myself as Cat is hanging in Atlanta thru the weekend. Her art has experienced increased popularity lately so she is "in studio" catching up to commitments. Also, her niece has a baby shower this weekend. I will see her on Monday. If I am forced to be alone I cannot think of a better place. I can see just a hint of the beginnings of fall in the trees. There is a feel of fall crispness in the morning air and we have had enough rain lately that creek has a good flow to it. With the windows open I hear the wind and the water all day and night. This is the beginning of my favorite time of year. I even like the word Autumn better than it's three companions. I hope we have an extended fall this year.
It's amazing to me that I am still feeling the effects of chemo after close to two weeks with no treatment. I look forward to a time when fatigue is not my most frequented feeling. What does feel good is a temporary escape from regular reminders of "what condition my condition is in". Speaking of reminders, I want to thank many of you for your help and participation in the PanCan Cancer Walk on November 15. Our team (The P Train) now has 10 members and we have raised a little over $1400. If anyone else would like to participant in this cause here is the link to the site, http://www.pancan.org/purplestrideatlanta/ . We have walkers of all ages. It should be fun. Obviously the donations are the main attraction for continued research. Any size helps so try not to be bashful.
I have made a "to do" list for my couple of weeks in the mountains. Posting and writing is on the top and loading our pictures and videos (from our Flip) onto the computer and subsequently into documents is next. I need to keep up with Cat. She is definitely ahead of me with the digital picture stuff. I am off to a self teaching lesson. Accomplishment or Frustration? Probably both.
It's amazing to me that I am still feeling the effects of chemo after close to two weeks with no treatment. I look forward to a time when fatigue is not my most frequented feeling. What does feel good is a temporary escape from regular reminders of "what condition my condition is in". Speaking of reminders, I want to thank many of you for your help and participation in the PanCan Cancer Walk on November 15. Our team (The P Train) now has 10 members and we have raised a little over $1400. If anyone else would like to participant in this cause here is the link to the site, http://www.pancan.org/purplestrideatlanta/ . We have walkers of all ages. It should be fun. Obviously the donations are the main attraction for continued research. Any size helps so try not to be bashful.
I have made a "to do" list for my couple of weeks in the mountains. Posting and writing is on the top and loading our pictures and videos (from our Flip) onto the computer and subsequently into documents is next. I need to keep up with Cat. She is definitely ahead of me with the digital picture stuff. I am off to a self teaching lesson. Accomplishment or Frustration? Probably both.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Good but busy
This has been a good but busy and doctor filled week. I was scanned on Tuesday, met with the surgeon on Wednesday (he gave me the good news), met with the oncologist on Thursday, and met with the radiation oncologist today. I have follow ups on Monday and get my teeth cleaned on Tuesday. The radiation oncology visit today was interesting. I now look somewhat like a treasure map. I have big X's on my body made by the radiation oncology folks and the x definitely marks the spot. They will eventually exchange the sharpie X's with actual tiny tatoos (permanent) that show them where to point the radiation. I start radiation on Sept 29th and it continues everyday Monday thru Friday for at least 5 and probably 6 weeks. It will take about 10-15 minutes each day. When the radiation starts I will also have a small pump issued to me that will strap to my body somehow and have a line into my port. Also for the next 5 - 6 weeks I will be dripped on thru the pump with another chemical (5 FU). Guess what one of the side effects of each treatment is. You got it ....Fatigue!
I am really looking forward to the next 2 1/2 weeks of no chemo no nothing. It will be nice to have a break. Hopefully we will get to the mountains for most of the time. Look forward to celebrating Cat's big Birthday.
I am really looking forward to the next 2 1/2 weeks of no chemo no nothing. It will be nice to have a break. Hopefully we will get to the mountains for most of the time. Look forward to celebrating Cat's big Birthday.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Back from the wizard
We just got back from seeing the wizard and he said........ I have a heart, I have a brain, I have courage and I HAVE A CLEAN SCAN. I now can look forward to the joy of being radiated in a few weeks. Dr. Daneker was great as usual. He said my scan looks good as does all the healing from the whipple. I asked what to expect next and he said I should talk to Dr. Dubovsky, the oncologist, but to expect the radiation/chemo next and then scans every 3-6 months. The next big juncture is 12-18 months out to see if there will be any metastatic recurrence (didn't know I could use them big words). That would come from any microscopic cells that were too small for the scan to pick up. But in the words of Roger Daltrey from the rock opera "Tommy">>>>> "I'm Free, yea I'm Free and freedom tastes of reality".
Thanks again for all the well wishes and warm thoughts and positive energy flows. It all worked. Next stop is Cat's big 50 on Monday the 15th.
Thanks again for all the well wishes and warm thoughts and positive energy flows. It all worked. Next stop is Cat's big 50 on Monday the 15th.
Off to see the Wizard
I am off to see the wizard shortly to get my test results. I have been very tired and distant lately which I am sure is my way of handling anxiety. Despite the feelings I am pretty positive about what I believe to be the results. I am beginning to think that really whatever the results I am pretty positive. I was just told by my daughter to get in touch with the life force within me. I think it was a good piece of advice. I think that I am surrounded by good life force both within and all around me. Today I prefer to be clean so that tomorrow I may radiate my life force.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Think CLEAN!
As you might notice it is early in the morning. Cannot figure out why I am having trouble sleeping. Anyway, thank you, thank you, thank you for the calls and emails of support for my upcoming photography session. I think today is a Grateful Dead skeleton and roses T Shirt day. I am also taking my blue evil eye that just came to me from Turkey, my rub stone from New Zealand, and my lucky Cat. In my heart I am carrying all of the many warm wishes for good news. I will drink a barium cocktail today in honor of all my friends and family. Think CLEAN!
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Team P Train
Just got back from getting a neupogen shot at St Josephs and I thought I would let you know more about the November Pancreatic Cancer walk. I have registered a team for the 5k walk and it is appropriately call The P Train. We already have 5 people committed to participating. If you would like to join us on the walk or just make a much needed sponsoring donation go to the website http://www.pancan.org/purplestrideatlanta/ . Choose registration to join the team or make a donation to a participant. Then enter my name or search for The P Train team. Also if anyone has a silent auction item they would like to make available for the October 5th GIST silent auction just email or call me and I will help you make the connection.
I am very anxious about the Tuesday scan but am really looking forward to the short vacation from chemo. I think I will get about three weeks off but will know for sure on Thursday. Then it will be back to the trenches.
I am very anxious about the Tuesday scan but am really looking forward to the short vacation from chemo. I think I will get about three weeks off but will know for sure on Thursday. Then it will be back to the trenches.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
More often, huh
Before I forget, cuz I have been doing alot of that lately. Tomorrow nite (Friday 9/5) at 8 PM on ABC, NBC & CBS please try and watch the show Stand up 2 Cancer. It is a collaborative effort to both raise money, awareness and educate about the advances and lack of them in the major areas of cancer research and treatment. It has been touted as a very good show. If nothing else you will see a lot of Lalaland stars. Info can be found at standup2cancer.com .
Well as you can see I am posting more often. It has only been two weeks instead of three. Today was my last chemo for a few weeks. My counts were down but not enuf to cancel the treatment. I will have to take my shots over the weekend to build up my whites. I was very happy to not have today cancelled as I do not want to wait another week to have my scan. I will have it on Tuesday and hopefully get the results on Wednesday. To say I am a little anxious is a big understatement. Once I get the news that it has not spread, I will meet with the radiation oncologist to schedule a radiation/chemo regimen. I really am not sure how many treatments or how it works yet. I decided to wait for the scan results before I investigate. I know that they will wait about three weeks before beginning to give the old body a chance to purge those toxic chemical cowboys from my system.
A couple of other notes of "cancer interest". Friends of ours are sponsoring a benefit for GIST cancer. This a unique gatrointestinal stromal tumor. Our friend Lenny had gist tumors in his liver and they were able to effectively kill them and then remove them surgically along with 1/3 of his liver. But his liver is growing back. We have only three organs that are capable of regeneration, do you know what they are? There are only about 5,000 new cases of gist in the world each year and less than 5% have the succesful results that he has had. Anyway the benefit is in early October and there will be a silent auction for goods and services. If anyone has something they would like to donate for the auction feel free to let me know. And as long as I am in the "hitting up mood" Cathy and I will be participating in a fundraiser for the Pancreatic Cancer Network on Nov 5. We will be doing a 5 K walk (not run) and anyone who would like to either participate with us or sponsor us are welcomed. Info on this can be found at http://www.pancan.org/purplestrideatlanta/. Okay no more bully pulpit hocking.
I have discovered over the last month that when I am talking "cancer talk" with other people who either own or are working towards taking control of their particular cancer the conversations are really captivating. We can get lost in the details without feeling like we are boring anyone. But I noticed there is another communication going on through the eyes. I see a warmth that is pushing through and making a connection. I have to admit what I see and feel is good. I believe that the reason for the connection is the unspoken common bond that exists. Not just the cancer but that sometime in this other person's past they received information in one moment that changed their life forever and not all for the good. Life speeds up. Decisions need to come quickly as does the need to receive information in order to better help yourself. So many things are happening so fast. I think this is the impetus for the connection. I particularly enjoy what I see in someone elses eyes. I am not sure why I bring this up except that we all have common threads that run through us with other people who are in our lives. Acceptance and connections are bonds that we all look for with others. They are ways that we feel a part of a more intimate bond. We seem to love when it happens spontaneously and then for some reason work very hard to suppress the desire to revisit over and over again. Just another observation.
I look forward to a great scan result and having a few weeks away from this toxicity. Come be clean with me. By the way, the liver, skin and brain are the only ones capable of regeneration. There is question about whether the brain actually regenerates or just internally can create new capabilities. Yes the skin is considered an organ.
Well as you can see I am posting more often. It has only been two weeks instead of three. Today was my last chemo for a few weeks. My counts were down but not enuf to cancel the treatment. I will have to take my shots over the weekend to build up my whites. I was very happy to not have today cancelled as I do not want to wait another week to have my scan. I will have it on Tuesday and hopefully get the results on Wednesday. To say I am a little anxious is a big understatement. Once I get the news that it has not spread, I will meet with the radiation oncologist to schedule a radiation/chemo regimen. I really am not sure how many treatments or how it works yet. I decided to wait for the scan results before I investigate. I know that they will wait about three weeks before beginning to give the old body a chance to purge those toxic chemical cowboys from my system.
A couple of other notes of "cancer interest". Friends of ours are sponsoring a benefit for GIST cancer. This a unique gatrointestinal stromal tumor. Our friend Lenny had gist tumors in his liver and they were able to effectively kill them and then remove them surgically along with 1/3 of his liver. But his liver is growing back. We have only three organs that are capable of regeneration, do you know what they are? There are only about 5,000 new cases of gist in the world each year and less than 5% have the succesful results that he has had. Anyway the benefit is in early October and there will be a silent auction for goods and services. If anyone has something they would like to donate for the auction feel free to let me know. And as long as I am in the "hitting up mood" Cathy and I will be participating in a fundraiser for the Pancreatic Cancer Network on Nov 5. We will be doing a 5 K walk (not run) and anyone who would like to either participate with us or sponsor us are welcomed. Info on this can be found at http://www.pancan.org/purplestrideatlanta/. Okay no more bully pulpit hocking.
I have discovered over the last month that when I am talking "cancer talk" with other people who either own or are working towards taking control of their particular cancer the conversations are really captivating. We can get lost in the details without feeling like we are boring anyone. But I noticed there is another communication going on through the eyes. I see a warmth that is pushing through and making a connection. I have to admit what I see and feel is good. I believe that the reason for the connection is the unspoken common bond that exists. Not just the cancer but that sometime in this other person's past they received information in one moment that changed their life forever and not all for the good. Life speeds up. Decisions need to come quickly as does the need to receive information in order to better help yourself. So many things are happening so fast. I think this is the impetus for the connection. I particularly enjoy what I see in someone elses eyes. I am not sure why I bring this up except that we all have common threads that run through us with other people who are in our lives. Acceptance and connections are bonds that we all look for with others. They are ways that we feel a part of a more intimate bond. We seem to love when it happens spontaneously and then for some reason work very hard to suppress the desire to revisit over and over again. Just another observation.
I look forward to a great scan result and having a few weeks away from this toxicity. Come be clean with me. By the way, the liver, skin and brain are the only ones capable of regeneration. There is question about whether the brain actually regenerates or just internally can create new capabilities. Yes the skin is considered an organ.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Can't wait to wear that one!
This time it has only been 3 weeks since my last post. I have much better excuses this time. It has been a combination of having Ashley and Ryan in town coupled with the chemo really knocking me on my ass. I play and sleep then play some more and sleep some more. It was great having the kids in town. I had not seen them since the surgery. They be looking good and making me feel good. Both are now back on the southern and northern west coastlines.
I could not get my chemo this week which was a real disappointment. Both my white and red blood cell counts were decimated by chemicals. They were too low for a go on chemo. The real bummer is that it delayed my cat scan by another week. So I still have two chemos left before I scan on Sept 9. I took blood cell count booster shots instead to get my bone marrow more actively producing. Cat and I are going up to the mtns for 4 days and I will take one of the shots up there on Saturday. Friends Phil and Elizabeth are joining us for the weekend. Looking forward to it.
I hope you like the new look for the blog. Ash helped me with it. Now there is an actual train that you can board along with me and Cat. The comment process may have an extra step but it will keep the spammers off.
Chemical Thursday has been interesting the last few weeks because we have met a number of new people and have been sharing names and life stories. Most everyone is eager to share something about themselves and just as eager to hear about us. That makes for very warm experiences. I have gotten in the habit of wearing special shirts for the day. I now have an Incredible Hulk shirt, a Skeletoned Greatful Dead Shirt, A Spamalot shirt that says "I'm not Dead, yet", and the newest one that says F*@K Cancer! Can't wait to wear that one. I think I really am going to make a concerted effort to post more often. Maybe it will help me remove myself from this fog that seems to surround my brain. I find myself staring mindlessly a little more frequently these days. The doc promised that the chemo does not attack cells in either of my heads but it certainly seems to have an impact on the larger one. Well you should know my response by now. F*@K Cancer!
I could not get my chemo this week which was a real disappointment. Both my white and red blood cell counts were decimated by chemicals. They were too low for a go on chemo. The real bummer is that it delayed my cat scan by another week. So I still have two chemos left before I scan on Sept 9. I took blood cell count booster shots instead to get my bone marrow more actively producing. Cat and I are going up to the mtns for 4 days and I will take one of the shots up there on Saturday. Friends Phil and Elizabeth are joining us for the weekend. Looking forward to it.
I hope you like the new look for the blog. Ash helped me with it. Now there is an actual train that you can board along with me and Cat. The comment process may have an extra step but it will keep the spammers off.
Chemical Thursday has been interesting the last few weeks because we have met a number of new people and have been sharing names and life stories. Most everyone is eager to share something about themselves and just as eager to hear about us. That makes for very warm experiences. I have gotten in the habit of wearing special shirts for the day. I now have an Incredible Hulk shirt, a Skeletoned Greatful Dead Shirt, A Spamalot shirt that says "I'm not Dead, yet", and the newest one that says F*@K Cancer! Can't wait to wear that one. I think I really am going to make a concerted effort to post more often. Maybe it will help me remove myself from this fog that seems to surround my brain. I find myself staring mindlessly a little more frequently these days. The doc promised that the chemo does not attack cells in either of my heads but it certainly seems to have an impact on the larger one. Well you should know my response by now. F*@K Cancer!
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Chemo Brain
Chemo went well today and all my counts were in fairly good shape. Whites were great. Ry is leaving tomorrow for Las Vegas for a Bachelor party then back to LA and Ashley is going to NC it visit friends for a week and Cat is in Florida. Will someone please come take care of me...... I am actually leaving Saturday to drive down to Florida with Marc who shares ownership in the house at St. George (where Cat is) with his wife. Cat and I will stay until Tuesday and head back home. I am looking forward to the trip even though it is hot, hot, hot in St. George. A few days with friends by the ocean sounds enchanting.
Chemo has been interesting the last couple of weeks cuz there have been a few people who have had bad reactions to their treatments and the staff goes into subtle high gear. Curtains immediately pop up around the person who is experiencing the difficulty and doctors enter the room and care is given and no one makes a big deal about any of it. I keep sneeking peeks and everyone else honors privacy. I am definitely still a neophyte in some aspects. The nurses who attend to everyone are so involved each session with the people they are assigned to. I am always told what they are administering, how long it will take, what is coming next, who is with you today and how was your week...let's talk. It is a very safe place to me. I have three more sessions before my scan. Today chemo brain has really kicked in and I am having a difficult time keeping thoughts together, remembering words and what it is I wanted to do next. That usually hangs around for a couple of days and the impact is cumulative over time. This was my 9th chemical thursday. Hope you all have a nice weekend. Be well
Chemo has been interesting the last couple of weeks cuz there have been a few people who have had bad reactions to their treatments and the staff goes into subtle high gear. Curtains immediately pop up around the person who is experiencing the difficulty and doctors enter the room and care is given and no one makes a big deal about any of it. I keep sneeking peeks and everyone else honors privacy. I am definitely still a neophyte in some aspects. The nurses who attend to everyone are so involved each session with the people they are assigned to. I am always told what they are administering, how long it will take, what is coming next, who is with you today and how was your week...let's talk. It is a very safe place to me. I have three more sessions before my scan. Today chemo brain has really kicked in and I am having a difficult time keeping thoughts together, remembering words and what it is I wanted to do next. That usually hangs around for a couple of days and the impact is cumulative over time. This was my 9th chemical thursday. Hope you all have a nice weekend. Be well
A restless night
Today is Chemical Thursday and it is before I get set to go. I did not sleep well last night and thought it was just because chemo day was coming again. At least I did for a short while. Ryan and Ashley have been in town all week and that has been great. I have really missed them and have been really excited to see them. Ry and I took off Tuesday for a couple of days in the mountains. It was a great time. He leaves on Friday and Ash is here for a couple of weeks more. They have also been very protective of me and more importantly have been paying much closer attention to what has been going into my body and how I have been physically caring for myself. I use the words "much closer" because they were paying more attention than I have been.
Both of them have been working on getting me motivated to make nutritional changes that I have openly said I wanted to make. I have been silently ignoring them and even, at times, arguing with them about my progress. I know the big reason for my restless night last night was trying to figure out why I have been ignoring many of my own commitments to myself. I feel fairly certain the reasoning is also why I have not posted in a couple of weeks. The time for much of my talk is over and I need to start doing a few things more proactively. I have cancer and that is bad. The fact that it has caused me to re-evaluate aspects of my life and make a mental commitment to some healing alterations is good. The reality that I am having difficulty implementing some of those changes is human. I get amazed how comfortable it is to intellectualize about changes and even reach a point where I begin to believe I am actually doing what I am thinking about without having taken the first step. It is certainly what I have been going through. Part of the hesitation to change is not wanting to admit that the agent for change has been a disease. The main part, though, is just the age old process of breaking a habit (or a series of them). We are such creatures of habit and it is truly amazing how difficult it is to changes our habits when we express the want to do so. I am getting ready to embark on a small habit changing journey but before I start "It's time for chemical thursday."
Both of them have been working on getting me motivated to make nutritional changes that I have openly said I wanted to make. I have been silently ignoring them and even, at times, arguing with them about my progress. I know the big reason for my restless night last night was trying to figure out why I have been ignoring many of my own commitments to myself. I feel fairly certain the reasoning is also why I have not posted in a couple of weeks. The time for much of my talk is over and I need to start doing a few things more proactively. I have cancer and that is bad. The fact that it has caused me to re-evaluate aspects of my life and make a mental commitment to some healing alterations is good. The reality that I am having difficulty implementing some of those changes is human. I get amazed how comfortable it is to intellectualize about changes and even reach a point where I begin to believe I am actually doing what I am thinking about without having taken the first step. It is certainly what I have been going through. Part of the hesitation to change is not wanting to admit that the agent for change has been a disease. The main part, though, is just the age old process of breaking a habit (or a series of them). We are such creatures of habit and it is truly amazing how difficult it is to changes our habits when we express the want to do so. I am getting ready to embark on a small habit changing journey but before I start "It's time for chemical thursday."
Friday, July 25, 2008
Memorial
Before I say anything about me I would like to honor a life. Randy Pausch, age 47, passed away today from his bout with pancreatic cancer. For those of you that do not know about him, Randy was a Professor at Carnegie-Mellon. Every year a professor is chosen to deliver what is known as The Last Lecture. The chosen teacher is to give a lecture as if it is his last before he dies. In Randy's case he was asked, unknowingly by the college, right after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The lecture was taped and can be seen on You-tube and also became a best selling book entitled "The Last Lecture". I encourage everyone to view the video and read the book. He continued to battle his illness and live his life fully which included testifying before a congressional committee for additional research funding plus many other meaningful contributions. His testimony is also available on You-Tube. His life is an inspiration to me and his passing leaves a hole in the world that will take quite sometime to fill. Please send his family a warm thought in some moment of mindfulness.
I had my chemo yesterday and all went well because I am posting from my computer in the mountains. This is the week my white count will start to fall so I will start my neupogen shots next week. After 5 more weeks of chemo I will get a high resolution cat scan that will either direct me to radiation/chemo treatments or to just more chemo. The radiation alternative is the one I am hoping for as it means there has been no spread of the cancer outside of my original surgical sight. It is interesting how all that goes on with medical treatment during an illness crescendos to a singular test the result of which is life directing and altering. Then the process starts all over again. For some this happens many, many times during their healing process. I have about three weeks before I will hit a Mel Brooks "High Anxiety" frame of mind waiting for the test results. During that time I have been advised by those close to me to research for information about each alternative, seek support from those in a similar situation and I have added to breathe and enjoy. I love those who are close to me and I even think pretty highly of myself these days.
Cat and I listened to a CD of various speeches from cancer survivors and this particular one was from a woman who expressed her wisdom regarding the difference between treatment and healing. Treatment is what the medical community provides us when we are ill. It is logical (at least in attempt) and "fix-it" oriented. It usually will involve pills, maybe surgery (or multiple surgeries), multiple office visits and treatment to cure or improve what ails us. Healing is the moral obligation we have to research, discover and implement those practices that dramatically supplement the medical treatment in positive ways. It involves attitudes, alternative and/or holistic paths, involvement with other members of our community, discovering what is new on the horizons for one's particular illness and the list can go on and on. It is an obligation we have unless one prefers to give in to the affliction. I am sorry that the importance of the healing process has become so prominent to me as a result of my diagnosis. I say this because there is nothing that I am doing now that I should not have started doing a long time ago other than the specifics regarding my cancer. Healing should be an ongoing instinctive process that is encouraged in us all at a very early age. It would not turn us all into "buddhas on the mountain". It would just make us healthier and happier people on the planet. To me healing can be defined as anything that will add positve meaning and greater health to your life. Happy healing to all of you.
OK, time for a short short story. There once was a little girl who went to a carnival with her father. They were both very excited about their special day out. Upon arrival they both were awed by the rides, the games, the vendors, the food and trying to figure out what to do first. The little girl asked her father if they could start with the rides and he agreed. He at the time was very enamored with watching all of the various types of people wandering around. Realizing that he had been walking, staring and day dreaming he reached to grab his daughter's hand only to find it not there. One can only imagine the panic that welled inside of him. His daughter, on her path, had reached the first ride and looked up to find her father was not with her. She also began to feel that empty sense of panic. She then remembered her father's advice should she ever become lost. Look for someone wearing a uniform (preferably a policeman or fireman) and ask for help but do not wander any further until you do find someone who will help. So she stopped and began to search with her eyes for help or her father. Following the advice she had been taught calmed her inside. Eventually she saw a man in a military uniform and managed to get his attention. Upon telling him her situation he suggested she tell one of the operators of the rides her problem and he moved on. She decided to stay put and continue looking. She then saw a woman in a nurses uniform and caught her eye and explained her problem. The nurse said the little girl must go to the main carnival office and tell them her situation. She offered to take the girl there but the little girl told the nurse her father's advice and said thank you but I will stay here. The nurse moved on. She eventually saw a policeman and got his attention. She told him her plight and her father's advice. The officer said that sounds like good advice and I am sure your father is headed this way and looking for you. He then suggested that she get on his shoulders so she could have a better view. About 15 minutes later she saw her father headed her way and called out to him. When he saw her he came running over to her. Breathing a large sigh of relief he gave her a huge hug and thanked the officer profusely. The officer smiled and the little girl looked up at her father and thanked him for teaching her how to take care of herself when she became lost. She told him he gives good advice. The father welled with pride and relief. He felt guilty for initially losing his daughter but quickly thanked himself for teaching her a wise lesson and felt greatful that she took it in and remembered it. Simply another life healed.
Randy, I wish you a peaceful and joyous voyage.
I had my chemo yesterday and all went well because I am posting from my computer in the mountains. This is the week my white count will start to fall so I will start my neupogen shots next week. After 5 more weeks of chemo I will get a high resolution cat scan that will either direct me to radiation/chemo treatments or to just more chemo. The radiation alternative is the one I am hoping for as it means there has been no spread of the cancer outside of my original surgical sight. It is interesting how all that goes on with medical treatment during an illness crescendos to a singular test the result of which is life directing and altering. Then the process starts all over again. For some this happens many, many times during their healing process. I have about three weeks before I will hit a Mel Brooks "High Anxiety" frame of mind waiting for the test results. During that time I have been advised by those close to me to research for information about each alternative, seek support from those in a similar situation and I have added to breathe and enjoy. I love those who are close to me and I even think pretty highly of myself these days.
Cat and I listened to a CD of various speeches from cancer survivors and this particular one was from a woman who expressed her wisdom regarding the difference between treatment and healing. Treatment is what the medical community provides us when we are ill. It is logical (at least in attempt) and "fix-it" oriented. It usually will involve pills, maybe surgery (or multiple surgeries), multiple office visits and treatment to cure or improve what ails us. Healing is the moral obligation we have to research, discover and implement those practices that dramatically supplement the medical treatment in positive ways. It involves attitudes, alternative and/or holistic paths, involvement with other members of our community, discovering what is new on the horizons for one's particular illness and the list can go on and on. It is an obligation we have unless one prefers to give in to the affliction. I am sorry that the importance of the healing process has become so prominent to me as a result of my diagnosis. I say this because there is nothing that I am doing now that I should not have started doing a long time ago other than the specifics regarding my cancer. Healing should be an ongoing instinctive process that is encouraged in us all at a very early age. It would not turn us all into "buddhas on the mountain". It would just make us healthier and happier people on the planet. To me healing can be defined as anything that will add positve meaning and greater health to your life. Happy healing to all of you.
OK, time for a short short story. There once was a little girl who went to a carnival with her father. They were both very excited about their special day out. Upon arrival they both were awed by the rides, the games, the vendors, the food and trying to figure out what to do first. The little girl asked her father if they could start with the rides and he agreed. He at the time was very enamored with watching all of the various types of people wandering around. Realizing that he had been walking, staring and day dreaming he reached to grab his daughter's hand only to find it not there. One can only imagine the panic that welled inside of him. His daughter, on her path, had reached the first ride and looked up to find her father was not with her. She also began to feel that empty sense of panic. She then remembered her father's advice should she ever become lost. Look for someone wearing a uniform (preferably a policeman or fireman) and ask for help but do not wander any further until you do find someone who will help. So she stopped and began to search with her eyes for help or her father. Following the advice she had been taught calmed her inside. Eventually she saw a man in a military uniform and managed to get his attention. Upon telling him her situation he suggested she tell one of the operators of the rides her problem and he moved on. She decided to stay put and continue looking. She then saw a woman in a nurses uniform and caught her eye and explained her problem. The nurse said the little girl must go to the main carnival office and tell them her situation. She offered to take the girl there but the little girl told the nurse her father's advice and said thank you but I will stay here. The nurse moved on. She eventually saw a policeman and got his attention. She told him her plight and her father's advice. The officer said that sounds like good advice and I am sure your father is headed this way and looking for you. He then suggested that she get on his shoulders so she could have a better view. About 15 minutes later she saw her father headed her way and called out to him. When he saw her he came running over to her. Breathing a large sigh of relief he gave her a huge hug and thanked the officer profusely. The officer smiled and the little girl looked up at her father and thanked him for teaching her how to take care of herself when she became lost. She told him he gives good advice. The father welled with pride and relief. He felt guilty for initially losing his daughter but quickly thanked himself for teaching her a wise lesson and felt greatful that she took it in and remembered it. Simply another life healed.
Randy, I wish you a peaceful and joyous voyage.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Just an update
We just got back from five days in the mountains and although it was hot, rainy and I had some trouble sleeping it was still in the mountains. We had dinner with some of our neighbors the other night and lost power from a storm and ate in candlelight. It was great. If my blood work is not unusual tomorrow we will probably go back up on Friday. Ashley and Ryan come in town the following week so all in all life is good. Running low on fuel at the moment so I am planning a more informative post after tomorrow.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Goodnight Mrs. Calabash
Just got back from another immutably, insidious, infusion with lots of things to talk about. I am so greatful to Doc Neupogen and his band of newly formed white cells. They valiantly battled against and sacrificed themselves to the evil Mr. Cisplatin and Mrs. Gemzar and managed to maintain a strong enough of a rag tag force to carry on through next week. As a result, my next post will be coming from the hills of North Carolina. To say I am excited is truly an understatement. I will bet you that the mountain air will raise all of my levels in a positive fashion. I say this because even though my white count is up the chemicals have finally started depleting the red ones. I am officially anemic. My platelets are also way down so they told me not to cut myself until the count goes up. For those of you confused ones, the platelets are what cause your blood to clot. I am sure some of you never expected to become so medically edumacated. I was able to skip the gemzar this week which means the red count will be able to build back up as will the platelets on their own and quickly without interference.
I want you to know how incredibly appreciative I am of the continued cards, letters, emails, comments and visits we receive from everyone. That probably keeps my levels up more than anything and I am eternally grateful. Since I am working off some increased endorphin production I thought I would make a few specific comments. All of you will not relate to all, but some of you will know some of them. It is kinda like "fooling some of the people some of the time...". These last two paragraphs should include just about everyone in my life.
All of Lenny's scans were clean, yea, Stephen and Stephanie are pregnant, Tim has a new job and seems to like it, Kathy D.'s biopsy report was good, My Cat is producing a lot of art, Melissa moved to New York to attend the Pratt Institute, Becky W. has a great new job, Hello and thanks to Tracy and Taylor, Happy Birthday to Sid the Squid and Mike the Mick, Congrats to Charmian and Charmian cuz I think Ken enjoys his new job, thanks Mel for being a good sister, Will is definitely improving from his surgery, thank you Lyn for the goodies, Larry quit trying to eliminate body parts, thank you rabbi greene and rabbi micah and cantor kassel for your kindness and presence, thanks for PCD Wednesday nites, thank you to those that let me show you my shark bite, Pam and Yankel I hope we get to see you sometime next year, Shirley is well and speaking to me, congrats Brian on graduation, thanks Alyse for being the mother of our incredible children, Jimmy you will never know how helpful you were 31/2 months ago, mark and mel I know you will figure the location thing out, Aloha to Lahaina, the Ostrows rule, never fear BJ one day I will call, thanks for stopping by Mike, thanks Van, my family is incredible, so are my friends and most of all so is my wife, and Goodnight Mrs. Calabash Wherever You Are!
I want you to know how incredibly appreciative I am of the continued cards, letters, emails, comments and visits we receive from everyone. That probably keeps my levels up more than anything and I am eternally grateful. Since I am working off some increased endorphin production I thought I would make a few specific comments. All of you will not relate to all, but some of you will know some of them. It is kinda like "fooling some of the people some of the time...". These last two paragraphs should include just about everyone in my life.
All of Lenny's scans were clean, yea, Stephen and Stephanie are pregnant, Tim has a new job and seems to like it, Kathy D.'s biopsy report was good, My Cat is producing a lot of art, Melissa moved to New York to attend the Pratt Institute, Becky W. has a great new job, Hello and thanks to Tracy and Taylor, Happy Birthday to Sid the Squid and Mike the Mick, Congrats to Charmian and Charmian cuz I think Ken enjoys his new job, thanks Mel for being a good sister, Will is definitely improving from his surgery, thank you Lyn for the goodies, Larry quit trying to eliminate body parts, thank you rabbi greene and rabbi micah and cantor kassel for your kindness and presence, thanks for PCD Wednesday nites, thank you to those that let me show you my shark bite, Pam and Yankel I hope we get to see you sometime next year, Shirley is well and speaking to me, congrats Brian on graduation, thanks Alyse for being the mother of our incredible children, Jimmy you will never know how helpful you were 31/2 months ago, mark and mel I know you will figure the location thing out, Aloha to Lahaina, the Ostrows rule, never fear BJ one day I will call, thanks for stopping by Mike, thanks Van, my family is incredible, so are my friends and most of all so is my wife, and Goodnight Mrs. Calabash Wherever You Are!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Little Big Horn
Hello. I took a break last week. Got a little worn out from all the Fourth of July activity and needed to rejuvenate some. Chemical Thursday went well except the chemo is back after my white blood cells again. Dr. D moved up my scheduled neupogen shots so I have taken them for the last three days. I feel bad because the shots successfully encourage my bone marrow to produce thousands upon thousands of new white cells. They are then unknowingly sent off to be massacred by the next thursday's chemo. I have my own Battle of Little Big Horn going on inside of me. We are hoping that this week's shots produced enough white cells to possibly make a two week stand. If so, I will not have to get more shots and Cat and I can scoot off to the mountains for some much needed fresh air and escape from some of the chains of treatment.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Inclusion, acceptance & compassion
The "achy bone shots" did their job. My white count is up and the good guys are back in the saddle. I even have extras built up for the next few weeks of cowboy combat. I learned today that since my chemo comes in three week cycles that the blood count is a three week trend. So the wise good doctor has suggested I take the shots before the third week to prevent the dreaded infectious period. Let me give you a little sense of what last week was like. The instructions were stay away from crowds, kids, flowers, plants, gardening and be conscious of exposure to bacteria and wash my hands frequently. I got paranoid. Wherever you are close your eyes and before you open focus on looking around and finding places that accumulate germs that you should not touch. Then go from room to room and walk outside and do the same thing. Between Cat and I, we were the King and Queen of "UN-uh" don't touch. Or "did you wash your hands?". Don't you dare put your fingers near your mouth?" "Is that your hand touching the bottom of your shoe?" Come to think of it, that was all Cat doing the asking. A very boring way to spend a week and a stupid, unhealthy thing to do to you mind. BUT, one good day quickly wipes out the bad memories and the last two have felt good. Because of my weight loss I can stop taking my blood pressure med and I did that a few days ago. During this weaning process I get these light adrenalin rushes. Yesterday was like being on an extra low dose of a diet pill. I talked all day. I think Cat was telling people it was good to see my energy level up and then would put on her ear plugs to be with me. It was really kinda fun but that feeling was probably some sort of subconscious flashback memory revisitation. (Obviously the adrenalin still has some lingering effects).
Melanie, Cat and I went to chemo today. For me it was comforting going back to a place of familiarity with a group of people that I could publicly, privately and silently relate to. It is probably similar to people who like to drink and go to bars. The bar is a place you can go for many reasons. One is it is somewhere you can be alone with a lot of people and choose how you will or will not interact. Chemical Thursdays are like that for me in a comforting way. Everyone has a root history in common. We are all attached to a Pole that has a bunch of clear bags hanging off of it with tubes attached leading to the inner sanctums of our bodies for distribution. It breaks barriers quickly. Our common theme and the safety of numbers seems to allow every one to drop their guard varying degrees when they come in for infusion. I may be odd but it is not a bad place. In truth it is a healing space.
It is the Fourth. We are staying in Atlanta and spending part of it with both friends and family and I am sure I will have some alone time to get reacquainted with Mr. Cisplatin and Ms. Gemzar (my friendly chemo couple). I wish all of you to have a fun weekend. I watched a public televison show last night on the history of the statue of liberty. I realized I had never heard or read the entire dedication poem on the statue memorial. The one that says "give me your tired your poor... I encourage you to go read it. That poem and maybe the Declaration of Independence are grounding in nature. My soap box says the day is about remembering inclusion not intolerance, acceptance not aggression and compassion not coersion.
Most importantly it is all about Bar-B-Q. We must include, accept and have compassion for all. Even those misguided few who believe that Bar-B-Q has anything to do with beef.
Be well.
Melanie, Cat and I went to chemo today. For me it was comforting going back to a place of familiarity with a group of people that I could publicly, privately and silently relate to. It is probably similar to people who like to drink and go to bars. The bar is a place you can go for many reasons. One is it is somewhere you can be alone with a lot of people and choose how you will or will not interact. Chemical Thursdays are like that for me in a comforting way. Everyone has a root history in common. We are all attached to a Pole that has a bunch of clear bags hanging off of it with tubes attached leading to the inner sanctums of our bodies for distribution. It breaks barriers quickly. Our common theme and the safety of numbers seems to allow every one to drop their guard varying degrees when they come in for infusion. I may be odd but it is not a bad place. In truth it is a healing space.
It is the Fourth. We are staying in Atlanta and spending part of it with both friends and family and I am sure I will have some alone time to get reacquainted with Mr. Cisplatin and Ms. Gemzar (my friendly chemo couple). I wish all of you to have a fun weekend. I watched a public televison show last night on the history of the statue of liberty. I realized I had never heard or read the entire dedication poem on the statue memorial. The one that says "give me your tired your poor... I encourage you to go read it. That poem and maybe the Declaration of Independence are grounding in nature. My soap box says the day is about remembering inclusion not intolerance, acceptance not aggression and compassion not coersion.
Most importantly it is all about Bar-B-Q. We must include, accept and have compassion for all. Even those misguided few who believe that Bar-B-Q has anything to do with beef.
Be well.
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