Verbal Purging

It's not really Sunday. I just opened this on Sunday and wrote happy father's day and left until today. A belated Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. I hope you and your children had a good Sunday. I always thought the holiday was created just for marketing groups to sell more product. I have to admit I think about it very differently now. I wonder why mother's and father's day is only once a year. I find myself wishing I could relate this feeling to my parents. Somehow, I believe, the process of wishing is one of the ways that they actually do get the message. As an aside, with marketing being such a driving economic force I am really surprised that no one has tried to create at least one designated national children's day. I think I would be all for it as I would a national family day.

I have been absent from my blog for a few days because we are up in the mtns and Cat has been working her gluts off gardening and I have been trying to help and then following her around until I get worn out. Lately (last few days) the worn out part has been coming pretty quickly. As a result, I have been reading more and then lying down staring outside or at the ceiling. For those of you that find yourself in a position to choose between staring outside or at the ceiling I highly recommend outside. I chose the ceiling a little too much this week and got caught up on focusing too much on what is physically going on inside of me since the surgery and the beginning of chemo. It is somewhat of a laundry list and at first it is like an intellectual exercise but after a while it becomes way too real, tiring and depressing. I found myself sleeping a lot and then waking up locked into the ceiling again. I guess that is why some cycles are called vicious. I was finally able to kick the pattern last night with some conversational assistance from my partner.
Woke up this morning feeling much better. I not sure why I avoid it so much but verbal purging is a really good thing. Now keep in mind I called it something more manly than "talking about my feelings". VERBAL PURGING. No one is going to call that "girly man". Anyway, it helped a lot.

Today is Tuesday and we are headed back to Atl this afternoon. Thursday is Chemtox #3. Almost like Love Potion #9. If any of you are ever in the Northside Hospital area on a Thursday and want to poke your head in for 1/2 hour or so and greet the chemically infused please feel free to call. They sell great T-Shirts in the infusion room. Our favorite so far is F***ck Cancer! I like this message because to me it is two fold. The obvious being the anger towards the condition and a way of developing control by the expression of anger. The second is an encouragement to sleep with the enemy as a way of overcoming the fear and gaining control. Getting close to what you fear seems to be a healthy way to overcome big obstacles. Healthy but very hard to do. Which leaves me leaving you a parting word for the day. 'Mindfulness'